YOU’RE ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT I’M SORRY
I CAN’T HANDLE THIS
YOU’RE SMARTER AND BETTER THEN THIS
god seeing your face on skype made me realize how much i miss you. im crying idk why im crying. im a mess right now. i wish you were here. i miss you so much. you said you might be coming up for new years and i swear to god nothing would make me anymore happy then that. i finally told me why you have such a high wall up, but also that you’re starting to and letting me in.
fucking distance i guess does make the heart grow fonder.
how wonderful life is now that you’re in my world
:)
im so happy we’re back to where we were. even though i won’t ever be able to forget what you said. but i don’t mind it. you say you still like me and even trusted me with a secret you havn’t told anyone.
i had the chance to see you in a week but i can’t because of my stupid job and how badly i need to have two. so now i have to wait 3 weeks for the first week of jan where i will have a better chance at still being hired as full time.
fuck i want to see you so badly its been so long
and that fact you want to try and make things work with the distance. i was so excited to see you in a week. but i have the potential to get fired if i decide to go down there. and like you and care about you so much that i don’t even care but the thing is is that i really need this job to help pay for stuff.
but i want to see you i swear i do. i see this actually working out and you want it to work out you’re even willing to wait 2 years for me to move down there but the thing is is that i can’t wait that long. because i know that you will move on.
i am going down there for sure in jan. im going to ask for time off tomorrow because i swear if its the last thing i do. i refuse to wait any longer to see you. im going down in jan. i promise. and idc if that means losing my job.
you texted me back last night and told me the real reason. and you actually opened up to me. but idk if you actually mean it this time because you always do this but you told me you still liked me errr you liked/like me and you told me that stuff to see if i would still accept you and i do. you said that once i move down there and go to school there if i wanted to we could try again since you can’t handle the distance and you got excited when i told you i was coming down there in december maybe. you make me happy more then ever and the time we talked and shared made me the happiest i have ever truely been without having to fake it. you made me happy and i didn’t have to ever pretend to be because i actually was.
idk if you meant it but i hope you did mean it. because now im hoping that we can actually maybe work out once i move down there
its crazy how even after all these years i still have feelings for you. after everything that has happened between us.
now we’re just friends with the occasional benefits and i feel like i can be myself around you. its crazy i shouldn’t feel like this with you because we’re just friends and thats all we will ever be. you told me that so i have to deal with it regardless of what i want. i miss you. but oh well that ship has sailed with you and me and a possibility of a relationship even though im the only person you have ever been with.
this just sucks.
and thats it.
:(
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